August, 2022 - This is not a review. I have no personal experience with DS Audio's ES 001 and don't want any. This is simply my opinion, and it is based entirely on the fact that this thing exists and carries the price tag that it does. And also because people who should know better are so excited about it. Feel free to disagree …
Some audiophiles have more money than they know what to do with. That's how we ended up with the $6,000 US DS Audio ES 001, which is an "eccentricity detection stabilizer" that basically lets you know if the hole on your forehead - sorry, record - is perfectly centred.
Audiophiles will eat this up. Or, rather, they'll eat Kraft Dinner for a year after they buy it. The theory behind this device goes something like this: turntable designers assume the record you’re playing is perfectly flat and the hole is perfectly centred in the middle of it. But records aren't perfect, and - of course - audiophiles have seized on this with a passion that only audiophiles seem to have. The ES 001 is certainly expensive enough to attract their attention. It works like this: first, you spend the money and buy it. Then you place the device on top of your head and turn it on. If the screen lights up - yep - you're eccentric, alright.
But seriously …
Off-centred record holes are a problem (apparently). Why? Because they cause records to wiggle back-and-forth while they're playing, which causes the cartridge to jiggle from side to side. And that's bad because the turntable arm's horizontal motion "will be reversing direction every 0.9 seconds, resulting in potential stiction problems with gimbal bearings, and potential azimuth shifts with a unipivot as the stylus drags the arm to the left, and then to the right," according to Michael Trei, in an article posted on Analogplanet. "More importantly," he continues, "an off-centre record’s pitch will be constantly wavering up and down every 1.8 seconds. If, for example, you’ve ever looked at a readout from the Dr. Feickert PlatterSpeed app, you will have noticed there’s a green line that shows speed over time, and a yellow line that looks like a sine wave. The green line has been filtered by the app to make it easier to interpret, but the wiggly yellow line represents what you actually hear when you’re listening to the record."
I bet you don't know what "stiction" means. And that's, sadly, part of it. Use unusual, official-sounding words if you want to sell something expensive to an audiophile.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe off-centred records really are a problem. I can't say it's something I've ever thought about, though. My records seem to rotate just fine, and in a world facing climate doom and teetering on the knife edge of nuclear war it just somehow doesn't seem like all that much of a problem.
Truth is, I think my records sound pretty good. And - at least until now - I'll bet most other audiophiles thought their records sounded good enough, too. But let's assume a few of my records have an ever so slightly off-centre hole, which - according to the makers of the ES 001 - many of them do. And let's also assume it's a problem (which it's not). Well, my records still sound pretty damned good!
The ES 001 is touted as being an "intensely clever device" that uses LEDs and electronics to determine how gullible an audiophile is and how off-centre a record supposedly is, which can be caused either by play between the turntable’s spindle and the hole (they're not always the same size), or because the hole isn’t perfectly concentric with the record's grooves, which would be the result of an imperfect positioning of the stamper in the pressing plant. The ES 001 can easily correct the first problem, but to fix the other one …
But I'm getting ahead of myself …
Let's talk first impressions. I have to admit this thing sure does look cool - kind of like a high-end record weight with a small display on top. It has two parts. There's a base that sits on a record’s label that has a self-adjusting hole thingy, and then there's the measuring unit with the display on top. To measure a record’s "eccentricity," place the base of the ES 001 on the record while the platter isn't spinning. Then power up the turntable while holding the top part and follow the onscreen instructions. Optical sensors will detect all movement in the position of the lead-out groove at the end of the record, and those results will be displayed on the screen on the top of the device as a "+" on a target. The idea is to fiddle around with the device until you get the "+" as close to the centre of the target as possible (you score bonus points for a dead on bull's eye). Once you find the exact centre of a record you'll see a message that reads, “the centre is OK,” which is something my Grateful Dead records have been telling me for years.
But if the centre is not OK, if the hole is actually slightly off-centre …
Included with the ES 001 is a sort of "record reamer" that you can use to make the record hole a little bit bigger. Say what? Seriously? I'm supposed to drill a hole in my record? How does making the hold bigger fix the problem? And what does that mean for a "mint condition" or "near mint" record? Even a so-called "correction" will result in the record no longer being in "mint" or "near mint" condition. Will there now be a "corrected near mint" grade? If I had read about this thing on April Fools' Day there is no way I would have believed it was real, that someone would want me to put an operating table in my listening room and that off-centre record holes were a $6,000 US problem. I've already had to make room for the ultrasonic cleaner - which was a good idea - but this just sounds like nonsense to me. Not because it doesn't do what it's supposed to do. I'm sure it does. But does it even matter? Is is worth $6,000 US to hear a difference that is probably - if the listener is being completely honest - ever so slight at best? I can't help but think this is something Gwyneth Paltrow might have dreamed up.
It's also way more work than I'm willing to do. Really, I just want to play my records and I want them to sound good. I don't want to be listening for imperfections and I don't want to be listening to the equipment, either. I also don't want to have to justify the cost of anything, and buying the ES 001 would cause me to do that for decades. It's all about the music, stupid! Stop obsessing over the things that don't matter. Stop drilling holes in your records and start listening to them!
But I do have to admit that I really do love watching audiophiles trip all over themselves as they drool over this thing …
"The improvements are striking!"
"The ES 001 is truly excellent!"
"Enjoy better music without eccentricity!"
"The ES 001 is a world first!"
I'll give it 2.5 stars because it looks cool. But honestly, what the fuck?
August, 2022 - This is not a review. I have no personal experience with DS Audio's ES 001 and don't want any. This is simply my opinion, and it is based entirely on the fact that this thing exists and carries the price tag that it does. And also because people who should know better are so excited about it. Feel free to disagree …
Some audiophiles have more money than they know what to do with. That's how we ended up with the $6,000 US DS Audio ES 001, which is an "eccentricity detection stabilizer" that basically lets you know if the hole on your forehead - sorry, record - is perfectly centred.
Audiophiles will eat this up. Or, rather, they'll eat Kraft Dinner for a year after they buy it. The theory behind this device goes something like this: turntable designers assume the record you’re playing is perfectly flat and the hole is perfectly centred in the middle of it. But records aren't perfect, and - of course - audiophiles have seized on this with a passion that only audiophiles seem to have. The ES 001 is certainly expensive enough to attract their attention. It works like this: first, you spend the money and buy it. Then you place the device on top of your head and turn it on. If the screen lights up - yep - you're eccentric, alright.
But seriously …
Off-centred record holes are a problem (apparently). Why? Because they cause records to wiggle back-and-forth while they're playing, which causes the cartridge to jiggle from side to side. And that's bad because the turntable arm's horizontal motion "will be reversing direction every 0.9 seconds, resulting in potential stiction problems with gimbal bearings, and potential azimuth shifts with a unipivot as the stylus drags the arm to the left, and then to the right," according to Michael Trei, in an article posted on Analogplanet. "More importantly," he continues, "an off-centre record’s pitch will be constantly wavering up and down every 1.8 seconds. If, for example, you’ve ever looked at a readout from the Dr. Feickert PlatterSpeed app, you will have noticed there’s a green line that shows speed over time, and a yellow line that looks like a sine wave. The green line has been filtered by the app to make it easier to interpret, but the wiggly yellow line represents what you actually hear when you’re listening to the record."
I bet you don't know what "stiction" means. And that's, sadly, part of it. Use unusual, official-sounding words if you want to sell something expensive to an audiophile.
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe off-centred records really are a problem. I can't say it's something I've ever thought about, though. My records seem to rotate just fine, and in a world facing climate doom and teetering on the knife edge of nuclear war it just somehow doesn't seem like all that much of a problem.
Truth is, I think my records sound pretty good. And - at least until now - I'll bet most other audiophiles thought their records sounded good enough, too. But let's assume a few of my records have an ever so slightly off-centre hole, which - according to the makers of the ES 001 - many of them do. And let's also assume it's a problem (which it's not). Well, my records still sound pretty damned good!
The ES 001 is touted as being an "intensely clever device" that uses LEDs and electronics to determine how gullible an audiophile is and how off-centre a record supposedly is, which can be caused either by play between the turntable’s spindle and the hole (they're not always the same size), or because the hole isn’t perfectly concentric with the record's grooves, which would be the result of an imperfect positioning of the stamper in the pressing plant. The ES 001 can easily correct the first problem, but to fix the other one …
But I'm getting ahead of myself …
Let's talk first impressions. I have to admit this thing sure does look cool - kind of like a high-end record weight with a small display on top. It has two parts. There's a base that sits on a record’s label that has a self-adjusting hole thingy, and then there's the measuring unit with the display on top. To measure a record’s "eccentricity," place the base of the ES 001 on the record while the platter isn't spinning. Then power up the turntable while holding the top part and follow the onscreen instructions. Optical sensors will detect all movement in the position of the lead-out groove at the end of the record, and those results will be displayed on the screen on the top of the device as a "+" on a target. The idea is to fiddle around with the device until you get the "+" as close to the centre of the target as possible (you score bonus points for a dead on bull's eye). Once you find the exact centre of a record you'll see a message that reads, “the centre is OK,” which is something my Grateful Dead records have been telling me for years.
But if the centre is not OK, if the hole is actually slightly off-centre …
Included with the ES 001 is a sort of "record reamer" that you can use to make the record hole a little bit bigger. Say what? Seriously? I'm supposed to drill a hole in my record? How does making the hold bigger fix the problem? And what does that mean for a "mint condition" or "near mint" record? Even a so-called "correction" will result in the record no longer being in "mint" or "near mint" condition. Will there now be a "corrected near mint" grade? If I had read about this thing on April Fools' Day there is no way I would have believed it was real, that someone would want me to put an operating table in my listening room and that off-centre record holes were a $6,000 US problem. I've already had to make room for the ultrasonic cleaner - which was a good idea - but this just sounds like nonsense to me. Not because it doesn't do what it's supposed to do. I'm sure it does. But does it even matter? Is is worth $6,000 US to hear a difference that is probably - if the listener is being completely honest - ever so slight at best? I can't help but think this is something Gwyneth Paltrow might have dreamed up.
It's also way more work than I'm willing to do. Really, I just want to play my records and I want them to sound good. I don't want to be listening for imperfections and I don't want to be listening to the equipment, either. I also don't want to have to justify the cost of anything, and buying the ES 001 would cause me to do that for decades. It's all about the music, stupid! Stop obsessing over the things that don't matter. Stop drilling holes in your records and start listening to them!
But I do have to admit that I really do love watching audiophiles trip all over themselves as they drool over this thing …
"The improvements are striking!"
"The ES 001 is truly excellent!"
"Enjoy better music without eccentricity!"
"The ES 001 is a world first!"
I'll give it 2.5 stars because it looks cool. But honestly, what the fuck?
